i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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