Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
