As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
