fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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