Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
