Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
