fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
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It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sobbing to NWA
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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