the new term for farting is butt boxing.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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