i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize