Can i not drive my cunt home
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
