Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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