im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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