o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
