So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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