the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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