Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He passed out mid-signature
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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