drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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