me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
