Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my phone needs a breathalizer
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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