I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Randomize
