If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize