Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
