apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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