I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
