My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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