physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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