shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I showed him my bush... on skype.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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