thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
