Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
