Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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