just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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