I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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