Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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