what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
