took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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