there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
