My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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