Do you still have your period?
You can't special order awesome
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
