Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
