we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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