My friends, they love my intelligence
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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