We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
