I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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