She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i dont even know how to be here
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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