A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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