Pants 0. Shit 1.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
