After last night, I could never be a politician.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
