Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
