Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
