I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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