Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
