I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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