May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
