I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
