if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
