I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
