News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
