i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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