I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
