Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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