last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
