if only i could text you this smell
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
