Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
