the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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