he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
