we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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