"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My penis needs a shock collar
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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