some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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