he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
