Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
