even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
