take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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