im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
