Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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