i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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