i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
