so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
