let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
