Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize