I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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