I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
