im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
