you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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