my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
