did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?