also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
