ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.