how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
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I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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